


let’s get lost

by Pawprinter



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: (kind of???), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, First Kiss, Fix-It, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Spoilers, The 100 (TV) Season 7, a love letter to the fandom and these two love birds really, post 713
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:15:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26389279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pawprinter/pseuds/Pawprinter
Summary: “New plan. You go. We’ll stay here."“As long as our friends are out there, she won’t risk their lives.”“That’s why these two are staying with us, andyou are going with her.”or - Bellamy goes with Clarke to find the Flame.a 7x13 fix-it fic
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 88
Kudos: 186





	let’s get lost

**Author's Note:**

> ## SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
>  **This fic contains spoilers for 7x13!!!! SO MANY SPOILERS. DONT DO IT. LOOK AWAY!!!!!**
> 
> This is a fix-it fic for the disaster that was 7x13 so. if you haven't watched the episode, I suggest you do that before reading this fic! or don't and save yourself some pain!!
> 
> I can honestly say that I don't know what this fic is. It was written between the hours of 2AM and 6AM. I haven't slept in 24 hours. I don't really know what's going on this season of the show. I didn't know how to characterize ANYBODY. but I had this image of a scene and it wouldn't leave me alone so here we are! (plus, writing this was totally cathartic, and I think we all need a little fluff right now, so I thought I'd share it despite this not being something I'm ~super~ proud of.)
> 
> but! enough about me and my writing woes!
> 
> Rated Teen for coarse language and brief mentions of violence and gore.
> 
> Note: the title is from the song "Let’s Get Lost" by Bat for Lashes & Beck.
> 
> Enjoy x

This was familiar.

The dirt under foot, moon high in the sky, bark against her skin, Bellamy at her side.

It didn’t matter whether they were on Earth or Sanctum or any other planet— _ this was where they belonged.  _ They were meant to be at each other’s sides, out in the world like this—their breathing in synch, their movements mirrored, no words needed because they already knew what the other was thinking.

This was how it was always meant to be.

Clarke and Bellamy walked through the forest of Sanctum, a forest they walked through together only days before when they were racing to save their people inside. And, days before that, her body was dragged behind his as he rushed to Gabriel’s in an attempt to bring her back from what felt like  _ nothingness. _ And, before that— _ years before _ —they were walking side by side through the forest of Earth; planning, and arguing, and  _ talking,  _ and—

_ Together. _

They had always been together.

Except, they never felt further apart.

Out of the corner of her eye, she glanced at him. 

Him, the man she had grown to love with everything in her.

Him, the man who she crossed universes for, and fought wars with, and survived beside.

Him, the man she wanted a future with.

Him, the man who had brought her back to life by his sheer will and heart.

_ Him, the man she could hardly recognize right now. _

It wasn’t just the white uniform that made him unrecognizable. It was the stiffness to his shoulders, and the firm line of his mouth, and the clench of his fists. It was the way his voice wavered when he spoke, and the way he turned to men who wanted destruction, and the way the fire in his soul that she loved so much seemed to be snuffed out. It was the way he called Cadogan ‘sir,’ and the way he stood at his shoulder, and the way that he was beside her now, but not because they were doing this together.

_ No. _

He was here now because of the order given to him.

_ Not because of her. _

_ Not because of their shared history. _

_ Not because of their so-called promise to do things together. _

Maybe walking with him through a forest felt familiar, but  _ nothing  _ about this was right. 

Not the silence between them. 

Not the chasm that separated them. 

Not the tension that made her feel like she was suffocating. 

_ There he was,  _ standing several feet across from her after so much hell, but she never felt further away from him.

“Would you even be here if he didn’t tell you to be?” 

She didn’t know where it came from, just as she didn’t know where the  _ venom  _ in her voice came from. Clarke knew she had this  _ burning anger  _ in her soul, but it erupted out of her without any warning and—

_ Did it matter? _

She was angry, and mourning, and  _ lost _ —just like him.

The sharpness to her words was enough to cause Bellamy to slow and  _ look  _ at her—really look at her.

Involuntarily, a breath escaped her lungs and a fresh wave of hurt washed over her.  _ Just looking at him reminded her of how much she had already lost. _

He still looked like the man she loved. The curls—fuck, she hadn’t seen those in a while.  _ And his clean shaven jawline— _ it had been even longer since she saw that. If she didn’t know any better, she would’ve thought that they were teenagers again, back on Earth, trying to prevent the world from ending.

Instead of them standing so far apart that they could’ve been mistaken as strangers, she would’ve been right in front of him, her hand laying above his heart and telling him just how good of a person he was.

_ (“You have such a big heart, Bellamy.”) _

Instead of them feeling the sparkes of another impending war, they would’ve been on the brink of peace, with promises to talk and  _ drink  _ and  _ live  _ together on the Ark whispered between them.

_ (“If I don’t see you again _ —”)

Clarke swallowed thickly and tried again.

“Would you be here right now if Cadogan hadn’t told you to come with me?”

“I don’t know,” he answered truthfully.

She didn’t know either.

And that really fucking hurt.

_ (“New plan,” Cadogan had said, “you go get the Flame. We’ll stay here.” Bellamy had argued, he tried to convince him that she should be trusted. And still— “These two are staying with us and you are going with her.”) _

She liked to think that, even if Cadogan hadn’t asked him to come, Bellamy would’ve wanted to go with her anyway. She liked to think that he would’ve offered to come with her, even if it was on behalf of Cadogan, but—

The truth was, neither of them knew what would’ve happened.

Maybe that was for the best.

It had been a while since she felt this cold and empty, as if a piece of her soul was ripped from her body. It had been a while since she felt this alone, even when she was surrounded by so many people.

It was because of him.

_ It was because she already lost him. _

“Right then.” She turned away from him, pulling her gaze from his _ curls,  _ and his  _ eyes,  _ and his  _ freckles,  _ and the  _ scar on his lips,  _ and— Her heart swelled against her ribs, red and hot, and the world grew silent as blood rushed through her ears. Hurt radiated through her body, right down to her fingertips. “Let’s just go.”

_ How could so much change in so few days? _

This was something Clarke had been asking herself ever since Bellamy arrived on Bardo. She’d replayed every single second since she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and whispered her hasty plan to him  (and he betrayed them), and nothing made sense.

A world where Bellamy wasn’t at her side didn’t make sense.

These were the thoughts that swirled around her mind as they made their way through the forest to get to the farmhouse. She should’ve been thinking about anything else, like how they were going to get out of this situation, or how she was going to get to Madi, or how she was going to get back to her friends, but—

_ She couldn’t stop thinking about Bellamy. _

As they walked, she couldn’t stop looking at him either. His gaze was locked on the path in front of them, never straying to look at her. His body was tense, like he was prepared for a fight at any second. The tension between them was thick enough to suffocate her and—

_ Yes,  _ that was it. 

Losing Bellamy made her feel like she was suffocating.

The silence was killing her. She needed to talk to him. She would hate herself if she didn’t take advantage of this moment and something horrible happened.

(The image of his body falling in front of her, lifeless and bloody, was all too easy to conjure.)

Her nails dug into the flesh of her palm. She felt sick.

_ She spoke. _

“Do you ever regret something so much that it hurts?” Clarke chose her words carefully and studied him out of the corner of her eye. His expression remained impassive and distant and  _ she hated it. _

“Of course. I regret a lot.”

“Me too.” Her throat tightened so much that she struggled to breathe. “All the killing. The fighting. The impossible decisions. We were just kids and we were forced to make these impossible choices. I was eighteen when we were at the Dropship.  _ Eighteen.  _ That’s hardly older than Madi and— it wasn’t fair for us to be in that position.” Her smile was bitter. “I was eighteen and I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. Now, it feels like I carry the weight of humanity.”

For the first time since she started talking, his steps faltered. He looked at her like he was  _ seeing  _ her for the first time.

“You believe me then?”

“Believe you?”

“You said humanity. You said you carry the weight of humanity on your shoulders.” When she didn’t understand, he pressed further. “I told you that the last war is for humanity. It’s to save everyone.”

She stared at him for a moment longer. “You did,” she agreed, “but we’ve always had these weights. You carried the weight of Octavia; of the delinquents; of our people; of the world; and, now, humanity.” 

Neither of them spoke.

The forest around them was quickly turning back into field and she was filled with a flare of panic. They’d be reaching the farmhouse soon and, once they got the Flame, things would spiral out of control from there.

Her legs felt too weak under her. Her heart raced. Her mouth was too dry.

“Aren’t you tired?” she asked, her voice coming out more desperate than intended. “I’m exhausted. I just want… I just want to go  _ home.  _ Not Earth. Not the Ark. Not the farmhouse, or Sanctum, or  _ anywhere specifically.  _ I just want to go to some place where we don’t carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. I want to  _ rest.  _ I’m done fighting, and running, and  _ hating.” _

“That’s what the last war is; it’ll put an end to all of that. No more suffering. We’ll transcend and—”

“At what cost?” she pressed. “What price do we have to pay to get that peace?  _ There’s always a price, Bell, you know that.  _ It’s usually slices of our humanity and our souls—what will it be this time? More of that?” She didn’t give him a chance to answer. “I’m  _ tired  _ of fighting, Bellamy, and this war—whatever Cadogan has planned—it’s more of the same. More war. More fighting. More killing. More suffering. And what after?”

He didn’t answer.

She knew that he believed in his cause with everything in him. It was so like Bellamy to give all of himself over to something; she saw him do that more times than she could count. He felt with his whole soul, and loved with his whole heart, and gave  _ everything  _ to what he thought was right.

_ But she was worried. _

_ And she was tired. _

_ And she wanted peace. _

“You asked me about regrets,” he stated, breaking the silence that quickly rose. “You’ve been thinking about regrets?”

“I have.” 

_ There was one regret in particular that had been playing on loop recently. _

She couldn’t look at him as she gathered her courage. Her legs felt weaker with every step they took. But,  _ fuck,  _ she was desperate to save him, and she was willing to do anything for him.

She was willing to do anything, including spilling her darkest secrets and singing her darkest wishes.

“Do you remember when we went on the day trip to that bunker for supplies back at the Dropship? The day we all got high and you taught me how to shoot a gun?”

The muscles in his jaw twitched. “And we killed Dax. I remember.”

She remembered too. 

She remembered what it was like to shoot a gun for the first time. She remembered what it felt like to have warm blood on her fingers. She remembered feeling like,  _ finally,  _ she wasn’t alone—because she had Bellamy.

_ And she also remembered what he asked her that day. _

“Do you remember what you told me? You asked me a question after we killed him, while we were looking at the stars.”

She knew him well—so well that she noticed the minute changes in his expression as realization dawned on him. There was the tightness to his jaw, and the furrow of his brow, and the crease of his lips.

“I remember.”

“I regret my answer sometimes,” she admitted. It was something she thought of often during her self-exile after Mount Weather and, again, when she was alone on Earth for those long years. “It’s hard not to imagine just how different our lives would be if I just said  _ yes— _ if we just fucking ran away together.”

_ There it was. _

_ Out in the open. _

_ One secret out of many. _

She couldn’t bring herself to look at him and study his reaction.

“That isn’t who we are,” Bellamy said. “You said it yourself back then. We couldn’t… We wouldn’t have been able to leave the Hundred like that. They  _ needed  _ us. They would’ve died without us.”

“But how many others would’ve lived?” She let out a humourless laugh. “I spent  _ years  _ alone with these thoughts and I’ve always circled back to one. Maybe  _ we’re  _ the problem. How many people would’ve lived if we didn’t go back to the Hundred with guns that day? Maybe conflicts would’ve been stopped before they got out of control. And  _ us.  _ We would be different people. We wouldn’t have so much blood on our hands or so much weight on our shoulders.” She let out a shuddering breath as pure  _ want  _ and regret gripped her. “ _ Fuck,  _ I want that. I want that life.”

“What life?”

“One where we aren’t always fighting. One where we aren’t  _ always _ in the middle of a conflict. One where we can just be  _ us  _ and be  _ happy  _ and be normal. Neither of us wanted to be a leader and  _ I’m so sick of this.  _ I’m so sick of losing people and— I can’t lose anyone else. I can’t lose  _ you,  _ Bellamy. I  _ won’t.”  _

A horrible, gut-wrenching, hope-filled thought entered her mind—so strong that there was no hope of it ever letting her go. 

_ She relented. _

“So, I’m asking you this time, Bellamy.  _ Let’s just go.  _ You and me. Octavia, and Madi, and Raven, and Echo, and Murphy, and whoever the hell else we want—let’s all just  _ go.” _

She sucked in a steadying breath as a small weight lifted off her chest.

_ One more secret,  _ if she could even call it that. Maybe it was more of a silly dream, or a fantasy, or—

Silence encased them.

Seconds passed.

For a brief moment, he looked tempted—just as she felt the first time he spoke the same words to her back on Earth.

_ Please,  _ she thought.  _ No more. Just say yes. _

The Fates were never kind.

He looked her dead in the eye and didn’t waver. “No.”

And, finally, Clarke understood the rush of disappointment he must’ve felt all those years ago.

_ She didn’t bother to hide it from him. _

“We can’t,” he said, his words now stronger than before. “This… this is how we save  _ everyone.  _ It’s up to us to do what’s right and—”

“Why does it have to be  _ you  _ or  _ me  _ or  _ any of us?  _ Why us?” She took a desperate step towards him. “What makes us special? Because  _ we aren’t.  _ We’re just  _ people  _ and I’m tired. Haven’t we experienced enough war in one lifetime? Why do we need to experience another?”

“What kind of people would we be if we just walked away? We have to do this because it’s our responsibility and—”

“No. No, this isn’t our responsibility. Cadogan wants a war—fine, let him have it. We don’t have to fight battles for him. And… I want us to  _ just let go.  _ I want us to be selfish, just once. I will bear the burden of the consequences of this, okay? If you’re scared this is the wrong choice—I get it, but this can be my choice. It  _ is _ my choice, and I’m just asking you to  _ come with me.  _ Maybe I’m selfish and horrible and a bad person for begging, but… I’m willing to be selfish if it means keeping you safe.”

She inched towards him again and thought back to the first time he asked her to run away. She thought back to what  _ she  _ needed to hear then and hoped it was exactly what he needed to hear now. 

“I… I know you think this is right.  _ I get that.  _ And I know you have your reasons to believe it. But  _ Bellamy.  _ I don’t want to  _ lose  _ you. I…  _ fuck.  _ You’re my best friend. You’re the only person in the whole fucking universe that I feel this way about. I trust you, and want you happy, and care about you, and  _ love you.  _ I love you.” A peause, then— “I’m  _ in  _ love with you.”

And, with that one final secret, everything clicked into place. 

The words kept tumbling from her mouth and she had no plans of stopping them.

“I love you so much that it  _ hurts,  _ Bellamy, and seeing you like this— I just… I get it. I know you’re trying to save everyone, but  _ what about you?  _ You’re so concerned with saving everyone, but  _ you’re  _ my everyone. You and Madi. You’re all I have left and I just— I can’t lose either of you, and that’s what this war is going to do. 

“And when I think of the future, you’re there with me.  _ It’s always been you at my side,  _ and I don’t— I can’t— I need you there. Because I love you. And I’ve learned how to live without you before and  _ I can’t do that again.  _ Not when you’re my family. Not when I  _ love you.” _

It was when the moon glinted off his face when he looked away that she realized he was crying.  _ Fuck,  _ she was crying too. Her vision danced from her tears. It took everything in her to keep her shuddering breaths in, to keep herself from breaking down into sobs  _ right then and there. _

“I can’t,” he said, and it broke her heart into a million pieces. “Even if I wanted to, I  _ can’t.  _ I’m in too deep and—“

“Do you love me?”

She said it before she could truly think about her words.

His eyes met hers, frantic and wide. “Clarke—”

“You heard me,” she said, her voice cracking. “Do you love me, Bellamy?”

Silence stretched between them.

Clarke’s heart pounded in her chest.

She thought she knew the answer. Some days, when it was just her under the burning sky of Earth, she’d recount every second of their interactions—all the shared smiles, and soft promises, and tender touches.  _ And she thought she figured it out— _ she thought he loved her just as much as she loved him.

She’d been mistaken, of course, when he showed up with Echo, but—

_ She thought it was different— _

_ She heard him when he was pounding in her chest, and she felt his tears on her face, and she was ripped out of Death’s hands by his sheer will and his love for her, but— _

This silence said otherwise.

Clarke was almost tempted to take it back. She was tempted to tell him to forget it because she didn’t want to make this worse—she didn’t want to scare him away.

_ But she didn’t want to take it back. _

She didn’t want to add this to the list of her regrets.

_ Clarke asked him again. _

“Bellamy,  _ please.  _ Are you in love with me? Have you ever loved me?”

The silence was horrible.

Crushing.

Suffocating.

Burning.

And, finally—

“It doesn’t matter because—”

“Of course it matters! Because I love you. I love you and _I will fight for you._ I didn’t in the past—I gave up too easily on you—and those are some of my biggest regrets. I… I’m not giving up on you now, Bellamy. _Not ever again.”_ She made a hasty decision that, really, was never a true decision. She had made her mind up long ago. “If you think we need to fight this war, I will do it, as long as the people we love are safe. _I’ll do it because I trust you, and believe you, and will follow you across the universe because I love you.”_

And she would.

This wouldn’t be the first time she gave everything for him—

She wrote his name on the list—

—and called him everyday for six years—

—and sacrificed humanity for him once before—

—and—

_ He was her heart.  _

He was her heart, and she wasn’t going to lose him again.

His laugh was weak and wet. His gaze was locked on the stars above them; the same stars they looked at all those years ago when it was him begging her to run away.

_ She would give almost anything to go back to those simpler times. _

Just when she thought he was never going to speak,  _ he did. _

“Of course I did, Clarke,” Bellamy stated. “I loved you.”

Suddenly, it was very hard to breathe.

“Loved,” she echoed, feeling numb. “Past tense.”

His gaze locked onto hers, his eyes wild.

“Love. I  _ love  _ you—right now. The love I have for you makes the  _ hundreds  _ of years we’ve been together feel like days. The love I have for you makes me want to spend eons with you and—“

“Then we should.” She finally closed the space between them and gripped his shaking hands with her own. Still, she felt far away from this moment, like she was floating somewhere in space instead of tethered to him. “We can. We can just… go. We take our people and we  _ protect them like we always have.  _ Forget final wars and forget better lives—the best life I can have is with  _ you,  _ Bellamy. I don’t care if I don’t transcend, and I don’t care if the universe comes crashing down tomorrow.  _ I just want you.”  _ She tightened her grip on his hands. “It isn’t too late, Bell. There’s still time to—”

_ And, suddenly, she couldn’t speak for an entirely different reason than before. _

His lips were on hers, and his hands were on her jaw, and—

_ Finally. _

The kiss was sweeter than she expected it to be. Their lips fit together as well as they did, as if they were two halves of the same whole, destined to be drawn back together. It was a kiss that left her breathless and silenced her thoughts and—

It was over before it ever really began.

They parted from each other, their chest heaving the slightest bit. She could hardly keep upright from the rush of adrenaline and the rush of hope and from the crushing sense of dread ripping up from her gut.

“No more,” she said, her voice wavering. She desperately wiped at her tears smeared across her face. “No more wars, and no more fighting, and no more  _ dying.  _ I choose  _ life,  _ and I choose life with  _ you and Madi.”  _ Clarke immediately missed him as soon as she stepped out of his embrace. “What do  _ you  _ choose, Bellamy?”

“You. Always you, Clarke.” A wave of relief crashed across her so strong that it stole her breath and brought tears to her eyes. “Alright. Let’s just... _go.”_

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this fix-it could provide some much needed fluff to those who need it! Feel free to scream in the comments because this is ~N O T~ a spoiler free zone. and I think a lot of us are going through a lot right now lol.
> 
> If you didn't think I characterized Bellamy and Clarke correctly, you're probably right and I totally agree with you!! Sleepy brain, my friends! Not a great look for writing and editing. Let's just... not comment on the oofs of this fic. I'm too tired and too sensitive for it.
> 
> Also, a lot of the lines and themes of this fic are taken right from the show (or, in the case of "Let's just... go," taken right from the scripts)!
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated. Thank you for reading!
> 
> Paw  
> Come find me on Tumblr [here!](https://pawprinterfanfic.tumblr.com/)


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